


Hurt

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Canon, Drama, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Points of View, Season/Series 01, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-09-21
Updated: 2005-09-21
Packaged: 2018-12-27 02:39:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12071928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian's Pov after the Bashing. He's hurt, can he fix the pain before it's too late?





	Hurt

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

**AN** I want to thank Shauna for such a great song fic idea. This is for her.

**All mistakes are my own**

Sid: Haha, I won.

**Song is Hurt:By Johnny Cash  
Also sung by NIN {Nine inch Nails}**

* * *

**Brian's POV**

I sit here watching Justin sleeping after the prom. It’s been a week since he was hit. I can’t help but feel like this is my fault. 

If I wouldn’t have gone. If I would have just stayed away.

I can hear the nurse talking to me but my mind is so fucking gone that the only thing that I can think of when I look through this window is a song.

A fucking song isn’t what Brian Kinney is about, but this song I heard on the way here makes me stop and think.

_Hurt myself today._  
To see if I still feel  
I focus on the pain   
The only thing that's real  
The needle tears a hole  
The old familiar sting  
Try to kill it all away  
But I remember everything   
What have I become?  
My sweetest friend  
Everyone I know  
Goes away in the end  
And you could have it all  
My empire of dirt 

_I will let you down  
I will make you hurt_

I look down at my shaking hands. I have hurt him. I have let him down. I let everyone down.

I didn’t want him hurt. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone but Jack Kinney.

I see Justin move and shake his head in a dream. I want to take those bad dreams from him. 

I close my eyes as the song comes back into mind.

_I wear this crown of thorns_  
Upon my liar's chair   
Full of broken thoughts   
I cannot repair 

I can’t fix this. How can I fix this?

_Beneath the stains of time_  
The feelings disappear   
You are someone else   
I am still right here 

But I can’t seem to leave. He is important to me. 

I know what pain is. I know what it is liked to be hit. I have all the stains, but Justin is the one who made me believe again. 

That I belong somewhere.

_What have I become?_  
My sweetest friend   
Everyone I know   
Goes away in the end  
And you could have it all   
My empire of dirt 

Please don’t go away Justin. Please don’t leave me. I need you. 

I will gladly give you anything you want.

_I will let you down  
I will make you hurt_

But together we will make it better.

We will hurt each other, this I know. 

But I hurt more without you.

_If I could start again_  
A million miles away   
I would keep myself  
I would find a way 

But I want to start again with Justin. I will find a way to make this up to you.

 

With tears I sit back down, knowing that this hurts way more then Jack hitting me.

 

“I love you.” I whisper through my tears, looking through the window, where no one could hear me.

And from this point on, I will show you.

Not just show, I will tell you.

Because I can't handle this kind of hurt anymore.


End file.
